Imagine that you are climbing the mountain below.
Your challenge is to write a short diary entry describing your first day at tackling this mountain peak. You could think about…
– Describing the mountain (with amazing adjectives and expanded noun phrases)
– Describing how you feel
– Using some informal language
And remember, you must write this in 100 words or less.
The best entry will be judged on 3/5/13 and prizes will be given out in school.
GOOD LUCK 🙂
Dear diary,
On the 27th of may 1950 i climbed the tallest mountain in the world Mount Everest at 28,028 feet above sea level. But i wasn’t on my own i was with my best friend Andie Gamble and the Sherpa was with us as well. Then we finally reached Mount Everest i was so excited to be at the tallest mountain in the world.”I am determined that some one will climb Mount Everest and that person will be me!”
Then i started to climb the rocky, icy cold snow but the most amazing thing was the sun was shining.
Well done Demi – this is an exciting diary entry! I really like the facts you have included as it makes your diary entry seem very real. My wish is that you would remember to use a capital ‘I’ – a little ‘i’ can’t stand on its own!!!
I agree with Miss Shearer Demi – Capital letter for ‘I’
A good effort though 🙂
-ThankyouX
Dear diary,
On the 27th of April 2002 i climb the biggest mountain in the world it was amazing. I felt so lucky to get a chance to climb mount Everest and to have such a good Sherpa Demi. you will never guess how much feet it is above sea level 28,028 that’s amazing isn’t it, well i thought it was. It was sooooo cold out there it felt like i was in the North Pole.when i started to climb i couldn’t stop i kept going heaving my ice picks in the ice getting higher then i reached the top
Well done Andie. I really like how you have put how you felt throughout the diary, it makes it very realistic and thoughtful. My wish is that, like Demi, you would use capital ‘I’s instead of litte ‘i’s!!!!
I could burst a blood vessel girls!!!! Like Demi you need to remember Capital ‘I’ Andie. I did enjoy your diary entry though 🙂
Dear diary,
Today I started to climb the peak mountain. It all started when my alarm clock went of I slowly got out of bed and wrapped up warm so I would’nt get cold . Quickly packing my bag with food and drinks . GOD I am freezing i feel like a snowman,thats icy and cold.
At 3:00 in the afternoon I finnaly got to the pointy top , I COMPLETED THE CHALLENGED! WAHOO! I worked my way way home safely . I had a drink and I was home in know time.
I enjoyed your diary entry Kacie-Lily, particularly your use of capital letters to emphasize certain parts of your writing. My wish is that you would check your sentences to check that they are complete. For example, “Quickly packing my bag with food and drinks” is not a complete sentence as it has no subject.
Well done Kacie-Lily you added extra detail to your entry. 🙂
Dear dairy
10.15
I got up to explore the open road of califona. I had my breakfast(cornflakes). I got dressed then
I hope that you can carry on with this Nicholas – I love the use of brackets to add detail!
Friday 10th of May
dear diary,
one cold night,I walked out my house to get some pease and quiet.
You have remembered to use the features of a diary entry like the date and ‘dear diary – well done :). My wish is that you remember to start your sentences with capital letters.
One bright sunny morning i went to explore the east coast.
This is a well written sentence Kasha – I look forward to reading the rest of your challenge.
Dear diary
Thursday 24th December 2012
A cold, fine night at Christmas Eve when I went for a walk for fresh air I felt a bit excited because Christmas was the next day.
I really like the description you have used in this John Paul, well done. My wish is that you put a full stop in to seperate what you have written into 2 sentences.
Dear diary,
I know what I want to do, climb a whopping 29,082 feet above sea level. I want to beat Edmund Hillary’s achievement of 2 months! It has been 3 weeks since we left and we have got over 46,00 feet left to clamber. My legs feel like freezing ice blocks.
I am certain that I can defeat the world record
This is a great diary entry Megan with lots of thoughts, feelings and detail. My wish is that you use a complex sentence within your entry.
Well done Megan, you have had added facts to make your diary entry more realistic 🙂
One cold, dark night demi awoke with a shoke.Somethink hadwoken her up her.What was it.She heard a strange sound.She felt a litte strang shiver up her spine.Demi jumped out of bed,and ran over to her dresingtable.she slided over to her light swich to try to ter it on.BUT.but it was melted.what?Demi thought.Bang,bang somethink was coming up the coridoor.Holly was skeird.Holly started baking off.The door started oping slowly.A big shaddow appired on the floor.Now Holly was realy skared.Realy skered.Acherly
Dear diary,
It is Friday night when at dinner mum said you have to chose an accomplishment we all are. I decided to climb a mountain. I got dad to drop me off at a camp site and I set off strait away to climb the mountains here.The first one I climbed took me all night so I had to camp up there. When I woke up I saw another mountain so got down of the one I was on and climbed up the other mountain. So Eventually I decided to go home and tell mum I had climbed some mountains and she diden’t seem as exited as I thought she would be. She said that I had to do a PROPER accomplishment so I told her that it was but she thought differently. To be continued.
I like the idea for your story Paige but I think you could make it more detailed and dramatic – climbing a mountain is an amazing accomplishment!
So I told mum I would ride my bike up the biggest hill and that I would have to sleep out. She thought this a great idea as her friend was coming round. But can you guess what I did, went back to camp at the sight that my tent was and slept there. The next morning I went back up the mountain and had lunch up there. Then I went down the mountain and rang dad to tell him to pick me up. When I got home mum was mad at me because apparently she told me to be back at 7:00am and I was back at 3:00pm. She did not tell me a time right?Is my hearing going or something? So guess what she made me do ANOTHER accomplishment!!! I was running out of ideas when it hit me. I now knew that I don’t have to do an accomplishment. So I told mum I have an accomplishment. She asked me what it was so I told her I don’t have to do one. She looked puzzled so I explained that my own accomplishment which is well me. I am my own accomplishment. So whenever any one asks you to do an accomplishment tell them that. See you later thanks for reading this storyXXXXXXXXX
GOOD LUCK
Dear diary,
Today I am going to beat the world record.(Climbing Mount Everest),
Eventhough I know that Edmund Hillary has climbed Mount Everest!!!
I’ve decided that I want to do it again!!
I hope to speak to you tommorrow!!!!
See Ya Tommorrow xx
Bye xx
P.S.(please reply on any comments ! )
Some of these diarys are quite interesting!!