I really like your use of adjectives to describe the eye – it really enhances the feeling that you are the beam of light making a journey. I also like how you added on the definitions of the different parts of the eye as this will help somebody reading your work who does not know these words.
My wish for next time is that you use a capital letter for ‘I’ – remember, a little ‘i’ can’t stand by itself!
I really like your use of adjectives to describe the eye – it really enhances the feeling that you are the beam of light making a journey. I also like how you added on the definitions of the different parts of the eye as this will help somebody reading your work who does not know these words.
My wish for next time is that you use a capital letter for ‘I’ – remember, a little ‘i’ can’t stand by itself!
Well done Demi.
-Thank you Miss Shearer!xx
What a good thing you did about the eye I did not think of half of that stuff but yh well done I hope u get a good egacion xxx
-Thank you chloe!xx
Fab !!!! What a journey you went on.
Next time -Capital letters !!!!!
-Sorry Miss Jackson and thank you!xx
nice thing demi lee
-Thankyou,Kasha!xx
well done demi it was amazing 🙂
-Thankyou,Emily!xx:)